oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
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