Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
What should our trivia night team be named?
Define Statutory
I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
So here I am, sexting at work.
Randomize
