today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
Randomize
