Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
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