Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
Randomize
