i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Randomize
