you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
Randomize
