i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
Randomize
