I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
My feet surprised me
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
