Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
Randomize
