There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
Randomize
