On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
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