No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
Randomize
