I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
Randomize
