apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
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