The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
