R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize
