I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
Randomize
