I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
My breasts were aching with rage.
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
My liver is preforming stress tests.
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
Randomize
