Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
