Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
