How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
Randomize
