wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
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