I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
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