Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
It was like giving head to a cactus.
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
Randomize
