You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
I'm pretty sure that every show on ABC Family could be turned into a drinking game.
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
Randomize
