There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
Randomize
