Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
