There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
Randomize
