Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
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