It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
I forgot wine drunk hurts
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Randomize
