you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Randomize
