Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
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