he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
