First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
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