just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
I deserve to be covered in dicks
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
Randomize
