I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
question - sack: should she or should she not play with it during foreplay?
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
Randomize
