This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
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