new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Randomize
