I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
Randomize
