you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
Randomize
