I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
Randomize
