I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Randomize
