What a fucking waste of an outfit
The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
I love you. Go after that dick
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
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