Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize
