ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize
