it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
Randomize
