is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
You did what with his pubic hair?
Randomize
