so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
