Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
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