Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
Randomize
